Wow thank you so much!! I really appreciate that! :)
3 years ago
by Lost One
So on my old account I had a poem that relates to this in a way,
"Behind my eyes my world is burning
Still I smile as though all is fine
I won't bother you in your darkness
For I've finally embraced mine"
As I read your lines, I pictured a smiling girl. The "camera" zooms in... into her eyes... and I saw that her world is on fire. I couldn't see through the smoke, but I could hear her... and her words were beautiful.
I liked this line the most: "I don't mind being"
because I would have expected to read "existing" or "living", but simply "being" conveys more depth. Your way of writing is precise and unique. It sort of reminds me of an Ellen Hopkins book I've read, but sometimes her prose gets too heavy and doesn't flow as well as it could. So I liked how you separated your lines where it was natural for the reader.
The imagery that unfolded made me think of a phoenix in flames. I can see this fire, this chaos of light, yet you find release and freedom in it. Of then being able to find yourself in darkness and not have others wondering why you're screaming. It's almost like a silence and stillness that you can touch.