You'll know your special when you relize your pushing a door that says pull.

Sometimes I think you should put a condom on your head, because if you're gonna act like a d.ck, you might as well dress like one too.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year

You remember that one time when we did that one thing and you did that other thing with that thing that turned into a thing but it never really was that one thing? Remember?

I have a bad case of bulimia...
I just always forgot to throw up

not mine but I love it

People who smile are thinking about doing evil. people who laugh have already done it,.,

Pick your poison. I did, Drugs never suited me, Booze never made it on the list, sex worked for a moment, then love stabbed me in the heart

Pick your poison. I did, Drugs never suited me, Booze never made it on the list, sex worked for a moment, then love stabbed me in the heart

Life may be bitter but u can always sweeten it up with some choclate mmm... choclate

Too often we lost sight of life's
simple pleasures.Remember when someone
annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face
to frown BUT... its only take 2 musclesto extend
you arm and Bi#@$-SLAP that motherf#?@$ upside the head