"Men dispose their income to secure the future, women dispose their income to secure their future."

If there's no reliable eye witnesses and no conclusive forensic evidence, I had nothing to do with it. ;)

Right U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. so then How many fish do you have left? Stop counting u retard. Fish cant Drown you idiot.

Whoever came up with the saying "Its as easy as taking candy from a baby" probably never tried to take the candy from a baby. It's not that easy.

250 MILLION Sperm...And YOU"RE the one who made it?? Really??

A stranger stabs you in the front,
a friend stabs you in the back,
a boyfriend stabs you in the heart,
...but best friends poke each other with bendy straws

Teacher: class our lesson for today is math!

what is Math?

Peter: Ma'am!

teacher: okay! Peter

Peter: Math is our lesson for today!

:D :D :D :D

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Men are like... Blenders. You need one but your not sure why.

Mirrors can't talk, and lucky for you they don't laugh either.