When i was a kid i didnt wanna be a princess...i wanted to be a doctor so i could tell people they have diseases and put sticks down their throat

I am a ninja...
- No, you're not,
Did you see me do that?
- Do what?
Exactly...

hehe :P

"Men dispose their income to secure the future, women dispose their income to secure their future."

If there's no reliable eye witnesses and no conclusive forensic evidence, I had nothing to do with it. ;)

Right U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. so then How many fish do you have left? Stop counting u retard. Fish cant Drown you idiot.

Whoever came up with the saying "Its as easy as taking candy from a baby" probably never tried to take the candy from a baby. It's not that easy.

250 MILLION Sperm...And YOU"RE the one who made it?? Really??

A stranger stabs you in the front,
a friend stabs you in the back,
a boyfriend stabs you in the heart,
...but best friends poke each other with bendy straws

Teacher: class our lesson for today is math!

what is Math?

Peter: Ma'am!

teacher: okay! Peter

Peter: Math is our lesson for today!

:D :D :D :D

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.