I just kept humming to annoy the people around me
And wound up giving myself a headache.

A line from the song "hey ya" :
"seperate's always better when there's feelings involved".

my roomates idea of what they say:
seperate walls are better when there's ceilings involved.

briliant!

Cop: You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? Well, we don't. Sign here.

Cop: You didn't know how fast you where going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?

God Obviously Proved The Statement,
'Everybody Makes Mistakes',
When He Made You.

Dear Homework,
You are NOT attractive and I'm not doing you.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

If I had to choose between you or my dog, I would rather choose my dog because he doesn't need as much food as you do.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to Hell in multiple religions.

My mom always says,
"If they jumped of a bridge,would u do it too?".
I always reply, "pssh no, I`d just be the one who came up with the idea."