Some people are like Slinkies. They're pretty useless, but its still fun to watch them tumble down the stairs.

Could someone get addicted to counseling? And if so, how would you treat them?

"If you haven't made at least three people smile today, then you are taking your life way to seriously."

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand

Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

The devil on my shoulder is my advisor. The angle is just there for show.

Who put a fruitloop in your cheerios?

-Abbey

What's Barry Manilow's favourite snake?
Copacabanaconda.

So easy a caveman could do me.