My friend: Cain, I think I've lost something very precious to me.
Me: Really?....
My Friend: What do you mean really?
Me: I'm just saying...I could have it....
My Friend: Sh-t, you have my virginity?!
Me: No! I was talking about your brain!

THE MOST GREAT SHOCK IN YOUR LIFE TO FIND OUT THAT YOUR ENDLESS LOVE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore

He's the cheese to my maccaroni!

When life gives you lemons, give them back and demand icecream.

"Save gas, ride a vampire"

"Friends are like potatoes, you eat them, they die"

Never underestimate the power of a tiny bikini

Awkward situation #3: You drop your pen and lean over to pick it up, only to realize the person next to you is reaching down to get it for you. You both grab it at the same time. You aren't sure whether to thank them or not.

Awkward situation #2: You start talking to yourself in an empty room, only to realize there was someone sitting quietly in the corner the whole time.