I run with scissors.
It makes me feel
dangerous.

AAAH! I hate rubic cubes
they're evil!!
I can never get it. A waste of time. but then I realized...
THE COLOURS WERE SWITCHED!!!

Yo momma so fat every time she passes by, you miss 5 t.v. shows.
Kid: MOM!!
5 t.v. shows later
mom: you want me to move? ok.

Kid: (-_-*)<--annoyed face

Yo momma so fat it takes her three years to turn around.
one..........................
two..........................
look, cookies!!
one........................
two........................
whoops. gotta go pot--tie!

I was sitting on a couch watching T.V.
my little daughter said to me :
"why doth the rain fall down, mommy?"
And I say, "people in heaven pee"

I once heard this at a mock wedding:

'Do you vow to treat her as a passenger plane? To climb in and out of her five times a day and take her to the heavens and back?'

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Baz Luhrmann

IM GUNNA ROLL U
ROLL U LIKE A BLUNT

After friend tells the story of himself betting all on red on Roulette and losing:

"Ohhh dude that sucks.. you should have picked black!"

The Magic Of Life Can Often Be Found In That Loaf Of Bread Thats Been In The Kitchen For Months And Months