I almost Walked the into...

When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.
now where the hell do i get the f...ing lemons??!!

Dear Dads: If you ever catch your daughter making out... Rember these 7 words:
"I'm not afraid to go back to Jail!"

If life hands you grenades... Pull the pin and hand them back!

Keep the ones you love close...
But keep the remote closer...

SMILE!
tommaro will be worse

This is Bob. Bob likes you, Bob likes sharp objects, I suggest you run from Bob!!

Goldmember gets a part in Star Wars

"Luke, I am your fahjah."

This is actually a pickup line but oh well,

"did you know there is 125 bones in the body?"
Girl: "yeah"
guy:"would you like another?"

I'm shy...but my lips rn't