Fcuk me like I ruined your credit.

People are like avocados, we all look the same genotypically, some are nice and ripe, others rotten, but you never know till you cut it open what you'll get :-P

Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

You don't have to like me, I'm not a facebook status.

I imagine being present at the dawn of an apocalypse would feel somewhat similar to watching the clock tick away on a Sunday night.

Roses are red
windows are glass
maybe you should try plan D for dumbass

Beauty is in the eyes of BEER holder

I gotta drop a chocolate log.

The secret of life is to like who you are.....in spite of yourself.

Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their Gods lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.