I added a tuxedo to my disaster supply kit ... I want to look like the most important person to save.

The refrigerator is a clear example that what matters is what's inside.

Can't brain; Got the dumb.

Love it hate it deal with it never last for ever

Gone insane... Back soon! :/

Dear Dora, how in the hell did do you get that tiny shirt to fit over your big head...Sincerely, thats physically impossible!

Football is like the religion in Texas.
So I'll go there and marry my football player!

Her farting keeps me warm at night.

I've mastered the art of not giving a fcuk while simultaneously caring way too much

Just before the breath of life left him and all the world mourned, the Shepherd looked upon his flock from his elevated place and whispered, "I'll be back."