That moment when your mom is waking you up and freaks you out saying its noon and you jump out of bed to see that its actually nine :p i hate that

"I like the way this girl operates! She showed me her butt before she shows me her face! Is she a stripper?"
~ Onizuka (Great Teacher Onizuka)

"That painting is large and unattractive. It reminds me of your mother." ~ Richard Moore speaking to his daughter (Detective Conan)

I need breakfast! If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me.

I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying you're about 8 beers away from being my type.

I just did some calculations and I've been able to determine that you're full of sh*t.

Okay, "anything is possible" is a total lie! You CANNOT SLAM A REVOLVING DOOR! I TRIED!

Asks: What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard covered in blood screaming for help??
A: stay calm, reload, and aim better.

Whenever i take a drink and miss my mouth, i sit there with a wet chin and contemplate every failure i've had in life

BOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOB