Just for fun, trust me you will smile!

Try to say the letter "M" without your lips touching. =)

If your legs open up faster than Google's homepage, you are not girlfriend material.

IF YOUR PANTS WERE A .RAR FILE, I WOULD UNZIP THEM

When a telemarketer calls, give the phone to the nearest child and tell them it's Santa on the phone!

Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.

You're like a Chia pet...you're kind of funny looking but you're beginning to grow on me.

That moment when you have so much shit to do that you decide to take a nap instead.

"Feet that run swiftly to do evil, might soon belong to a man known as peg-legs"

Hey i'll be outside so if anyone needs me tell them i'm "out-standing".

I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address.