How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!

That awkward moment when you make yourself laugh really hard...

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

To the lady with 6 screaming kids, at the store. If you're wondering how a box of condoms got in your basket, you're welcome. ;)

Why is it that in tampon commercials they're always laughing and dancing? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws & burning sh!t down?

Me: knock knock
them: who's there
me: whata
them: whata who
me: whata are you doin lookin at me in da dark

I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.... Nice A$$!!!!!!!

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.

If you get hit in the face. you didnt dodge the ball