Hey i'll be outside so if anyone needs me tell them i'm "out-standing".

I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address.

How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!

That awkward moment when you make yourself laugh really hard...

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

To the lady with 6 screaming kids, at the store. If you're wondering how a box of condoms got in your basket, you're welcome. ;)

Why is it that in tampon commercials they're always laughing and dancing? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws & burning sh!t down?

Me: knock knock
them: who's there
me: whata
them: whata who
me: whata are you doin lookin at me in da dark

I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.... Nice A$$!!!!!!!