I don't blame you for hiding your Facebook page...if I had told as many lies and was as ugly as you, I would hide mine too...

If i worked at subway i'd wink suggestively every time a customer asked for a footlong

You know what a flagella is?

Its a cell penis.

(:

Next blocked number that calls me I'm answering
"Jims wh0re house, you got the dough, we got the ho"

Marriage is a three ring circus. An engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffer-ring

I always have friends to turn to when guys act dumb. Their names are Ben and Jerry.

And I'll make no apologies. I'm into phonography, and I like my bluetooth, buttons coming loose, I need my hands free. Then I let my mind roam, Playing with my ringtone.

When guys get jealous, it's actually kinda cute. When girls get jealous, World War III is about to start.

The only rule is:
Don't be boring. Dress cute wherever you go, life is too short to blend in.

I'm so glam, I sweat glitter.