|
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident. |
|
Hey autocorrect, stop messing with my damn curse words. You mother forklift. |
|
I don't blame you for hiding your Facebook page...if I had told as many lies and was as ugly as you, I would hide mine too... |
|
If i worked at subway i'd wink suggestively every time a customer asked for a footlong |
|
You know what a flagella is? |
|
Next blocked number that calls me I'm answering |
|
Marriage is a three ring circus. An engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffer-ring |
|
I always have friends to turn to when guys act dumb. Their names are Ben and Jerry. |
|
And I'll make no apologies. I'm into phonography, and I like my bluetooth, buttons coming loose, I need my hands free. Then I let my mind roam, Playing with my ringtone. |
|
When guys get jealous, it's actually kinda cute. When girls get jealous, World War III is about to start. |