Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it, but your the one who feels the warmness inside.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Last night I lay in bed, and gazed at the stars, thinking to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!

Friend at house: Hey you have a bathroom?
Me: Noooooo, we shit outside.

If life gives you melons, ask for bananas instead, theyre much nicer!

I don't care how old, or how badass you think you are, when a toddler hands you a play phone, you're going to answer it

That Brit, who can find a pub and a pint of beer, is truly lost.

The Italians never have been warriors, but life enjoyers & agitators, though they never have passed a change to fight among themselves.

Dear Friday,

I think you've met you match. Be scared.

Love,
Me

"I am tired of trusting people. Every time I did that, I got screwed, and I am currently sore from it".