by CRAFTY KEN   Sep 14, 2017


I was born shortly after a Storm, in a snug hole I was conceived, Mamma didn’t hang around, in a heartbeat she did leave! As I looked out my door my mouth hit the floor, there was this huge Gull eyeballing me while his friends were laughing with glee, heck I thought, in no way I will let you eat me.

Thanks to my Dad I was born with one huge claw, you mess with me and you won’t return for more! I can run very fast back to my hole hideaway but only sideways, I live by the Bay not very far from the Highway. The kids are always chasing me, but when they do, I stop and show them my claw, my piece of artillery, when I open it wide, you should see them flee and hide.

I have my eye on that pretty female who keeps following me, I know that she admires my claw, I can’t help being vain knowing that she will keep showing up at my door. She is so cute but I must tread lightly as she has a big brother who is a brute, no way I want him down my chute.

Well we finally got together and have a family, now the brute is my friend and he has his eye on my sister Amy. I let him watch our ten kids who pile on his back while me and the misses spend more time in the sack. She is a great wife to me, although at times she can be a little crabby.

Author Ken
September 14, 2017


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Latest Comments

  • 1 year ago

    by Trisha Harris

    This gave me a good feeling.

  • 2 years ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Haha ;-) This really made me giggle ... I'd love to know what on earth inspired it? Discovery channel? Brilliant poem!

    • 2 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      Hey Kitty, it was inspired by my childhood, chasing those little funny critters along the shore of a creek.
      I may write a poem about those creepy "Praying Mantis", when I was about five years old I was sitting in our back yard against a fence when something was pinching my backside. When I turned around I saw this creature that looked like it came from outer space, it terrified me!

  • 2 years ago

    by CJ Maleney

    Dude this got massive smiles from me.

    Ace work


    Ps ya gotta do one now called " Hi I'm Kermit the frog" lol

    • 2 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      Thanks Craig, I must be mindful of Plagiary, and Law Suits-Ha-Ha

  • 2 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Dear Ken as always you made me smile. Your sense of humor is something el se. Hope everything is well with you and family. Be blessed.

    • 2 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      Thanks Dag, always glad to hear from you, sad, our Storm has past but yours you are still bearing the hurt, our prayers continue for you. Glad I made you smile.
      Your friend Ken

  • 2 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Absolutely loved it you nail the visuals and the humour. I can Hermit quite clearly and can imagine all those baby crabs crawling and playing all over his back. Its funny and cute. I love your sense of humour in adversity particularly given the horrific storm you have just come through yourself. Milly x

    • 2 years ago

      by CRAFTY KEN

      Thanks Milly, when I was a kid I would go to a tidal creek and chase those Hermit Crabs with their huge claws, had to be very careful picking them up as they are capable of giving one a nasty bite. I always love to hear those laughing Gulls and think; are they laughing at me? Also at Football Games when they go into a huddle I think they are talking about me, and they are, guess I'm a little paranoid?

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