My ultimate goal is to live forever..so far so good..

:))

When people don't listen to you, and make up your answers in their heads, it's a bad sign.

"A blonde in my class asked our science teacher if it was true that the world was flat"...

off the web thought I'd share

"The Nile is located in Greece, isn't it?"
"No, ****, it's called Egypt"
"Oh, I always mix those two up"

Some class, somewhere, some girl said this....

Girl 'With which country borders Portugaly?'
Guy:'I know it's in America but let me think for a while so I can answer correctly'

This rice tastes like coffee and smells likes carrots

"On my first day in New York a man asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: 'Do you mind if I mug you here?" -Paul Merton

He he ha ha he ha

There is only one word that is genuinely without strings, and that word is blackmail

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded- dead.
- Woody Allen