Dear diary, I wish you were a taco.

Don't let the pretty face fool you...
I ROLL LIKA BOSS

If you're going to ride my @$$ at least pull my hair...

It's my old bumber sticker

"You looked good yesterday. Today I'm sober..."

~Kyra Campbell

Help others when there life is full of rain, but still find time to dance in it.

"Get the disk out of the player/Which one?/The silver one......... :["
{Both of the players were silver lol}

A friend will ask to get into your fridge when they come over. A true friend will invite themselves

Safe sex is great sex.. Better wear a latex.. cuz you dont want the late text.. The "i think im late" text

"....Or maybe its a glowing key that when u stick it into people it unlocks their death"

<Red Vs. Blue>

<Church and Caboose are tlaking about some glowing sword, and theyre tryig to determine what it really was

"You got steak on my mango!"
"You got mango on my steak!"

<Something i said when me n my friend were eating dinner once, laughed for hours lol>