Friends are a lot like trees: they fall down if you beat them repeatedly with an axe.

If you run naked around a tree at about 87 km/h, there is a possibility of fcuking yourself

"You have a strange problem."

I would love to hate you, but war seems more apporate

Notes to self only work if you remember to read them.

Fox News: "If you aren't getting dumber, we aren't doing our job."

Me: How are you feeling today?
Her: Fine.
Me: I asked how you were feeling, not how you looked.

Are you a kleptomaniac-or did you steal my heart on purpose?

Its funny how the boy in the relationship admits he doesn't care when everything is OVER!

Sunsets aren't romantic, they just hurt your eyes