Little Saturnine Dancers

by mossgirl19   Oct 25, 2018


They drew the curtains up and fell in line
swayed slowly to the music so old in time
with outstretched arms and legs in the air
they tangled, untangled, here and there...

Their slow routine drowned a heart so frail
as each of their movements draw up a trail
Little saturnine dancers took up the stage...
and one by one little saturnine dancers...

...fell down my face.

12


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Latest Comments

  • 10 months ago

    by BOB GALLO

    Sounds so fine Liz

  • 10 months ago

    by Jamie

    I really enjoyed this poem, and I do think you did an excellent job in creating what you wanted to here, just from the word saturnine which is about depression, I could tell this was about tears falling down from your face, especially with the last line. Your face or perhaps even your cheek seems to be the stage and I really liked each line because of the movement you create, each line has those tears moving down more and more until they eventually fall down your face. They get tangled with each other as tears often do and that tells me you are crying a lot in that moment. The detail is lovely. You make it seem like each year has it's own personality which is something unique, so you did a good job focusing on one object and running with it. Glad to see this nominated.

    • 10 months ago

      by mossgirl19

      Thank you so much! I'm glad you interpreted it this way. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!

  • 10 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Loved the rhythem and rhyming. In my first read of the first stanza I visualised a group of melancholy dancers dancing and swirling to old firgotten music and pretty much the same on the second until the last line where they fell down your face.

    That changed the whole meaning for me. Tears wouldnt dance so i figured snow flakes dancing to the music of the breeze sometimes in a line, sometimes tangled. Finally sliding diwn your face? Milly x

    • 10 months ago

      by mossgirl19

      Thank you Milly...I may have failed at it completely but the dancers are refering to tears..:-) I am trying to portray them in a completely different way...thank you so much for reading!

  • 10 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Absolutely loved the imagery and rhyming in this welcome back xx

  • 10 months ago

    by Michael

    Wonderful Miss Mel :)x

    • 10 months ago

      by mossgirl19

      Thank you Michael...but will you please send me a pm on how you understood this poem? Thanks!

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