For the ex :)

"Not even the light of Heaven and the gravity of Hell could attract me to you again".

The best thing you can ever do in your life is to always maintain a healthy sense of humor. Believe me, it really helps you get through tough times.

Writers sometimes don't have the voice
They used a pen instead.

Question. Are you a doctor?
Answer: Quite the opposite, I'm a lawyer.

Say what you will about Aussies, but if Trump was our leader - he wouldn't last a week.

Its a sad puppy who discards a sausage when he has no clue when he will get his next meal

Once upon a time, aliens were intent on destroying the Earth. Now, they just sit back and watch.

If you love something set it free. If it comes back, then you have a stalker.

It's not that I take myself too seriously, it's that others don't take me seriously enough.

When life gives you lemons, find peace and make lemonade.