The early bird gets the worm

but the second mouse gets the cheese

I saw cards that said "get well soon"
.. F**K that! Get well now

demitri martin

Few women admit their age
few men act theirs

My friend made a new game... the way you win is by not thinking about the game...once you think of the game you lose the game...

you just lost the game <_<

You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

HOLY SHIT MAN YOUR BRAIN'S A GOLDFISH CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THAT SHIT??? You should probably get medication for that. I mean, brains only like to be all scaly and golden-glittery for so long...
-Kristie

My mama told me obly two things were open at 3 am: legs and Wal-Mart

I'm never wrong.
I thought i was once.
I was mistaken.

I'm gonna smoke you like fried chicken!

Feelings, you're so full of feelings. You're wearing them like earrings, all over your face.