When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and sit back while the world tries to figure out how you did it.

In heaven...

girl1(drug addict): so why did you die?
girl2: ex husband killed me. You?
girl1(drug addict): i got hit by a plane!!

The only guy you should cry over is George Bush.

CARPE SCROTUM:
Grab life by the balls.

^.^ Made me smile lol

I like dead end signs. They're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere.
-Bugs Bunny

When life gives you lemons tell life you don't need them because you can wow people on your own

Me: A boiled egg is hard to beat in the morning....
Friend: Ah.. ew Joey...

A fat P.E (physical education) teacher..............................i dont get it?.....

If at first you do not succeed; failure might just be your style?

Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, she HAS TO.
But.... when HE cancels a date...... he HAS TWO.

-pinoy jokes-